I remember visiting a friend with three young boys at the end of a particularly busy school holiday period. Her youngest moped into the kitchen whining “Muuuuuuummmm”. My friend responded with a sharp, exasperated, “WHAT!?”

I got it, I truly did. As a Mum of five I am a veteran of school holidays that have resulted in increasing demands and sometimes a slightly frazzled or fractured relationship towards the end.

How can you reset after all this?

Read more:
‘I hate you!’: what little kids really mean when they say this

Why are holidays so tricky?

The way school holidays are structured in Australia can be challenging for families.

Countries such as the United States have one long holiday at the end of the school year (a “summer break”). But Australian schools have significant breaks throughout the year.

This creates multiple opportunities across the year for kids to fall out of routines – and potentially out of favour with their stretched parents.

It is also a lot of school-free time for working parents to cover.

Holiday care isn’t always an affordable or feasible option. So, many parents end up cobbling together a Frankenstein’s monster of working from home, ad hoc leave days, friend and family help and a whole lot of juggling to keep kids both occupied and cared for during these periods.

It’s easy for the holiday period to result in family disharmony and crankiness, rather than relaxation and connection.

So what can parents do to reset?

If like many Australians you spent your two weeks band-aiding multiple issues, you can try an approach psychologists call “rupture and repair”.

A rupture in a relationship is anything at all that can lead to a disconnect between two parties. It could arise from a minor misunderstanding, all the way up to a major fall out.

Psychologists recommend ruptures are acknowledged, and then efforts made by both parties to understand each other and “repair” the connection.

Repair can involve:

• adults saying sorry, and kids learning to appreciate what they may have done wrong too

• listening to how the young person feels and acknowledging their feelings

• offering comfort and presence

• helping the young person make sense of what happened.

How can this work in practice?

So in my opening example, once a few deep breaths have been taken, the parent could apologise for yelling and then explain to their child how they would like to be approached.

Something as simple as,

I’m sorry I yelled, I didn’t mean to frighten you. If you need me for something today could you come up to me and rest your hand on my arm to let me know you need to ask something? I am really busy today and I can’t just stop to answer your question immediately if I am in the middle of a work task.

Nipping a small annoyance in the bud at the beginning of the holidays can also help prevent a blow out later on when parents are at the end of their tether.

It might seem easier to roll your eyes and sigh after your teenage kids have eaten all the food in the fridge and left a mess, but use this as a learning experience instead.

A calm conversation the next day could include:

Hey I didn’t appreciate having to clean up after you guys and go shopping after your friends were over. What can we agree on to prepare for the next time you’re all here for the day?

Write your own review

It can also help take stock at the end of a school holiday period to think about what went well, what didn’t work so well, and what was an unmitigated disaster. That way you can plan for the next vacation period – and even involve your children in the planning.

Younger kids in particular, might really surprise you with their ideas. I remember asking a friend’s six–year–old what he enjoyed most over the holidays. His enthusiastic response was “making tomato soup!”

Sometimes parents think they need to provide lots of fancy activities, when children would prefer to spend relaxed time at home.

Ok, what now?

Finally it’s back to the routine.

Maybe Granny allowed ice-cream at breakfast and too much TV, or bedtimes were shifted back one hour. A clear re-stating of school-term boundaries, and the reason for them, is advisable a day or two before the fun ends. This can give kids time to mentally adjust again.

Kids can and should learn that there is a time and place for certain largesse, but that consistent healthy habits exist for an equally good reason.

Rachael Sharman does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

Read More: Read More